What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
