is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
