I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I want a musical about memes.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
