Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
