And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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