You're my little dorito
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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