she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
