Apparently you make a good broom.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Randomize
