Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
