For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
