I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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