Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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