Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
