ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
