Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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