check it out our google latitudes are spooning
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Found your dick twin last night
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Randomize
