so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
