the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
