OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I'm sobbing to NWA
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
