I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Randomize
