AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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