Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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