man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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