I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
