I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I'm like, not good at living.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
