the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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