Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
