What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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