I just saw a hot homeless man
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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