dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Success! We fucked roommates!
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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