Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
3 2 1 whiskey
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
