we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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