what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
sex in a hospital.. check
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
