Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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