I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
he puts the penis in happiness.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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