Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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