it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
