I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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