i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
