around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Alive.
So much puke
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
wow bdsm is so cute
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