I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
