The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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