I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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