Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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