Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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