i jhust puked up my retainher.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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