i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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