Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
