And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I just want nice things and good sex
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
