I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
