is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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