Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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